so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
