oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
