she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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