I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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