His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
