If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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