Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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