Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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