Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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