the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The best revenge is premature balding
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
