I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
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I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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