We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
why does every cop we meet know your name?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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