the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
