All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
