I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
