I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
