he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
