I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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