im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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