What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
