I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
