xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
