I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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