I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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