So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
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Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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