I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
