maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
