you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
