ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
