I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
