It's Friday. Sex?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i need some magic done to my vagina
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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