nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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