So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
