Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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