You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why did my mother make you get naked?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
