Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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