Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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