Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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