Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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