I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
