Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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