So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
