Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
