I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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