So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
