oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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