I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
