yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
