we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
