I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
