I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
