Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Everyone says I win the strip club
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
