I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
