drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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