Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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