SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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