I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
