You can't motorboat a personality
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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