Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
