Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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