I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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