Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
