Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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