Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
